Why is it we are so quick to adopt the worldly idea that love is hard and something that has to be constantly fought for?
How often do we hear Christians say things like “marriage is hard” and “love is hard work”? Even though we know these statements are completely contradictory to the Word of God, we often find ourselves experiencing the consequences of this dysfunctional belief system. Then, we cry out to God for Him to come in and mend, heal, restore and resurrect a relationship that may have never been His idea to begin with. (I, unfortunately, speak with great experience here!)
We see marriages dissolve every day, often as a result of our taking too much control over our lives. We have a tendency to leave God out of our relationships and then invite Him as a guest on our wedding day and expect Him to show up and give us His holy stamp of approval and anoint what He never joined together.
Paul tells us in Romans 12:2, “Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be renewed by the transforming of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
We need to make sure our mindset about love and marriage is congruent with God’s intentions and be wise enough to be intentional with our relationships leading up to the wedding day. We can learn all we need to know about this topic through His Word, not the world.
The very essence of God’s love for us has been given to us by the living example and sacrifice of Jesus. Therefore, the kind of love that we should aspire to experience with another human being should be in complete alignment with the kind of love God has shown us through the example of Christ.
Turn to 1 John 4:7-12, to really get a clear picture of what love is and where it comes from:
“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.”
Here we can see, it is in the very nature of God to want us to experience a real-life love story that reflects His character. This means that we should expect to experience a God-ordained and anointed love that is like Him. We would serve God best by living out His reality for love and not getting in our own way by adopting a false worldview of love and marriage.
That is not to say there won’t be challenges with communication and understanding in relationships. We as humans must constantly fight off the desires of our own flesh. We must continually die to ourselves to be fully in alignment with God. We must be willing to put aside our selfishness, pride, anger, jealousy, and fear so that we can be filled with the fruits of His spirit which are described in Galatians 5:22-23, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”
Paul tells us in Galatians 5:16-18:
“So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.”
Love is constant and never-ending. It is not something we have to fight for or something we have to strive to keep. Rather, love in and of itself, is something to surrender to and fully embrace. Love is not tension, love is freedom. Love is not confusing, love is constant. Love is not hard, love is the greatest blessing we are given. Love is not something that must be fought for, love has already won. Love is victory. A God-anointed union brings joy, peace, confidence, and assurance. There is nothing “hard” about this. Marriage, according to God’s intention should be a delight!
Are you willing to adopt the mindset of Christ whether you’re single, dating or in a marriage relationship?
Are you willing to wait patiently as God continues to develop the fruits of the Spirit both in you and in your anointed life partner?